Dollywood

Chasing rainbows in Pigeon Forge

What's on your travel bucket list? On mine: Southern France, Japan, the Grand Canyon (to name a few). On Rachelle's: Dollywood. Among others of course; Rachelle is a grand adventurer if ever I knew one. But Dollywood topped her list. So in celebration of girlfriends, mountain cabins, and Dolly Parton, we hopped in the Honda Pilot and drove the almost-eleven hours to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. 

We arrived at Dollywood bright and early — about 10:15 A.M. We wanted to be sure to get a full day's worth of Dolly. The park consists mainly of Dolly memorabilia, music stages, food, and a handful of roller coasters — all set in what feels like Main Street in Disney World. For our first stop, we meant to see a bluegrass band but ended up at a gospel music stage. An older usher-lady showed us to some open seats and said as we filed in: "Why, it's a beauty pageant!" While the gospel tunes were a bit preachy for our tastes, her funny compliment made it totally worth the stop.

Beauty pageant from left to right: Jess, Rachelle, Fritz.

We tabled the bluegrass music for the time being and instead went in search of Dolly. We toured her tour bus and made our way through the Chasing Rainbows museum, where a hologram of Dolly greets visitors and reminds them in song that she "will always love you." 

Dolly's tour bus bedroom.

In the museum's photo gallery, we spied one framed piece of Dolly, Oprah, Carol Burnett, and Julie Andrews. As Rachelle said, "I hope the Smithsonian has a copy of this. They should send it into space."

Then there were elaborate costumes modeled by particularly well-endowed mannequins, and a replica of Dolly's schoolhouse with inspiring words scrawled on the chalkboard.

After leaving the museum, we did track down that bluegrass band. The banjo player was actually a four-time national champion. Amazing! They sure don't skimp on talent at Dollywood. But after all that memorabilia and music, hunger hit us hard. We started with fried green tomatoes (more please!), then moved on to the fruits of the five-foot skillet. You heard me: Five-foot skillet. 

It was sausage. It was peppers. It was onions. It was delicious. 

Once the food settled, it was roller coaster time. Well, roller coaster time for Rachelle and Jess, her partner in thrill ride crime. Fritz, my fellow Dramamine addict, and I kept our feet on the ground and enjoyed things like kettle corn and not puking. 

But eventually Fritz and I put on our thrill-seeking pants and unconcernedly suggested we all try this one harmless-looking roller coaster with a coal mine theme. Surprise! All of the scary vertical drops are hidden inside the mine. We had no idea what we'd gotten ourselves into, and I found myself involuntarily shrieking things like "WORST IDEA EVER" and "NOT OKAY, NOT OKAY, NOT OKAY." So then we tried a wooden roller coaster thinking that might be better — but no. To quote Fritz: "I did not feel protected."

We rounded out the day with a suggestion from our complimentary usher friend: the Country Crossroads show. We had no idea what to expect, but let me tell you: If we'd had expectations, they would have been blown out of the water. This was like the Mikey Mouse Club gone country with jazzy figure skating costumes. 

The moment these six performers came bouncing onto the stage, our jaws hit the floor and — quite unlike when inside the coal mine — I kept murmuring "Best thing ever, best thing ever." Because it was.